Hey there. Not sure about you, or other writers out there, but I constantly struggle between no one cares what you have to say vs. who cares, live life, post and write anyways. Anyone else feel this way? And while I’m very much photography inclined, been documenting life around me ever since my first polaroid given to me in let’s say 1994, I also recognize I have an unhealthy relationship to Instagram. The urge to delete it all and start over. It’s weird being able to scroll through 10+ years of photographic evidence of someone’s life. I don’t want that. But then FOMO sneaks in… especially given the industry: Who are you if you don’t exist online? How can people ‘look you up,’ and ‘suss you out,’ for potential future projects? Perhaps if I do make the leap to delete and start again I could be like the cool kids who only have like 3-9 photos present on their socials. So mysterious. So classy. I love the power of photography. To be able to capture a single moment in time reels be damned. The rush I feel to capture, edit, post, to share… things to unpack in future therapy sessions I guess.
Recently I’ve been trying to up my ‘professional photographer’ game with amazing photographers like Emily, Wini, and Alejandra being so open and helpful to the process. While my chosen industry seems to be in turmoil and collapsing post hot labor summer of strikes, everywhere I turn for career alts also seem to be on fire. But on the photography front, I love love taking portraits. It brings me so much joy and I hope to hone that craft and develop the confidence and courage to do something with my second hand Sony gear. While I used to be a Canon girlie, my brother now taking up that helm with my kit from college, I’m currently wielding my first full frame Sony Alpha and 35mm/1.8 lens courtesy of Jane.
Fun story — before moving to New York, I used to work as a second shooter, and sometimes lead shooter, for weddings in and around Kansas City. Proof of this has been lost to damaged hard drives along with all my sports photography from my days at the University Daily Kansan. However, right before I made the jump to New York after failing to secure a job at Hallmark HQ back in 2012, I was approached by three couples hoping to book me for their upcoming weddings. Sometimes I wonder if I hadn’t moved, would I have become a wedding photographer? And in a saturated market like New York, at the time, I didn’t even think it worth pursuing.
Currently I admire the work of Ashlyn in Chicago and Sylvie and Debbie in New York but know it takes a lot of work to build up your clientele, run a business, and deliver a consistent product. For now, I just want the opportunity to shoot interesting faces and personalities and hope for the best. Maybe one day I could get paid a sustaining wage for my efforts… but for now, it just brings me joy to capture a single frame, freezing a moment in time, like the mosquito trapped in amber from Jurassic Park (cue theme).
New York, I Love You
I’m always surprised to look back through my calendar and instagram to remember what I’ve been up to in the city since my last post. And I’ve gotten up to a lot since February 15 it seems. My fourth out of town of 2024 visitor came through from Seattle and we had an epic four day whirlwind adventure culminating in the New York Orchard Show at the NYBG. It was hilarious as we took the tour trolley, the automated guide telling us to look here and there at “beautiful blooming _______” as we rolled past bare leaves and branches under bleak February skies. But the show itself was stunning. It was also somehow fashion themed and one section was filled with whole fits built from orchards.
Also ‘only in New York’ I got to attend my first ever Martha Graham Studio Series session. For a mere $30 I sat front row in a plastic foldable chair inside the hallowed rehearsal space for the Martha Graham Dance Company. Me and maybe 30-40 others (didn’t count) bore witness to a rehearsal with choreographer Jamar Roberts adding commentary to the audience as he worked with the company. What a very cool intimate experience and can’t wait to attend another one.
Recently discovered The Center For Fiction at the intersection of Ft. Greene and downtown Brooklyn and snagged an affordable (under $10) ticket to a panel about the recently released short story collection of the late Diane Oliver. I had big feelings around this event, not knowing what I was getting into, but walked away in awe, saddened, and oddly inspired. To see Diane’s family and former Iowa Workshop attendee in the audience and have them recount and share her final days with the audience… it was an honor to bear witness to such tragic beauty.
I’m normally not a standup comedy person, but through a series of events, ended up at one of Michelle Buteau’s stand up/podcast specials at the Bell House. She’s funny and I loved her latest Netflix show Survival of the Thickest. What I didn’t love was having to stand on my feet for 2+ hours in my combat boots. I’m old. My lower back was not having it. Also on the comedy front, I hit up a set hosted by Chinisha from The Daily Show at this cute female owned Caribbean meets Southeast Asia bakery and cocktail bar.
Another perk of living in New York (or LA) and being in a union is being able to attend premiere events and screenings. A friend and I rolled up to what we thought was just a screening for the new Max show The Girls on the Bus but ended up being a whole premiere with a red carpet, step and repeat, with A-list celebs and an after party at Nobu. Were we in jeans and sporting large satchels and backpacks? Yes. Did we enjoy fancy sushi and a private screening of the pilot episode among Hollywood execs? Also yes. In these work famine times, we take whatever ‘free’ we can get.
And now…
The Musings R.E.P.O.R.T.
Reading: So many books! So little time! After finishing the surprising twist that was A Love Song for Ricki Wilde, I hopped onto a tonally different novel with Han Kang’s newly released in paperback Greek Lessons. I always love Kang’s sense of storytelling and prose and she did not disappoint with her latest pub. Also devoured
’s The Partner Plot in less than a week.One fun aspect of working in my local indie bookshop is crossing with publishing reps who listen to your interests and tastes then swing by with a small pile of ARCs you might be interested in reading. Currently in my possession are a trio of books coming out this summer that I hope to read soon and already conquered Take Me Home from the pile. Currently though: attempting the impossible of re-reading the first Harry Potter for socializing reasons, trying to speed through Robin Cook’s Harmful Intent (realizing I truly prefer Crichton), and taking one deliciously rich story at a time in Diane Oliver’s Neighbors.
Eating: Lately I’ve been trying to find any excuse to walk the next neighborhood over to Caffe de Martini. I cannot get enough of their sandwiches, lemon bars, or cornettis! Plus their floral displays are always a delight to photograph!
Playing: Still in a bit of a content slump, nothing really holding my attention but happy that Will Trent is back on our screens despite some behind the scenes drama that negatively impacted a friend of mine. Also currently on rotation are the new seasons of Ghosts and Abbott Elementary along with The Girls on the Bus. Shōgun is stunning and I need to keep moving forward and cannot wait for Evil to return which I’ll then pair with Ellsbeth to give myself a 2-for-1 ‘Kings’ evening of television this spring.
Obsessing: Started listening to the new Dear Felicity podcast by Bad Robot x The Ringer. My jaw dropped on my morning walk when J.J. Abrams and Matt Reeves revealed that Alias was born when they were struggling with stakes in the later seasons. They wondered out loud if Felicity was a lie and she was really a CIA agent the entire time. Mind. Blown. Also obsessing over the fact when co-host Juliet Litman asked her other co-hosts Amanda Foreman and Greg Grunberg what else outside of Felicity they worked on together and neither mentioned um ALIAS!
Revelations: Not so much a revelation but a reminder, but we can only save ourselves. As much as I want to be a damsel in distress waiting for someone to come save me from my current life, I keep being reminded over and over again that it will always only be up to me to show up for myself when the going gets tough. Just trying to summon the energy and gumption I once possessed in my 20s.
Treating: see above — Caffe de Martini.
Musings
A friend of mine and I were texting the other day when she suddenly asked: What are we supposed to be doing? I took a moment to let that question sink in because yeah… We’re mid 30s, single women, with oldest daughter syndrome who have aging parents and younger 20-something siblings who are also struggling in life. Aside from going to work and the occasional friend hangout (said friend group getting oddly younger given our own peers are off married with children and have left our respective cities), we wondered without our own families to attend to or high stakes careers to navigate and climb… what are we supposed to be doing with all this time?! Seriously — does someone have an answer to this? Comments encouraged and welcomed.
As always, thank you for reading and stay safe out there,
M.
PS — it’s March Madness. Rock Chalk.